Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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