it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
