you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
