Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
