Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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