I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
