He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
