Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
