I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
