My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
