it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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