worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
