is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
