If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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