He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
