i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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