Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
