I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
