Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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