Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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