I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
thus making me awesome and them whores
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
