there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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