we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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