why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Randomize
