it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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