Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she told me i tasted like america
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
