You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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