he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
