You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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