guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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