Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
