im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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