I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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