If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
