my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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