there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
BRING THE BAGELS
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
