Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I feel like abortions should bother me more
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
