so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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