i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
