K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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