I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
