Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
