I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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