My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
