I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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