I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
