He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
