SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
