and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
