She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
