You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
