He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dick very happy bro
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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